If you are suffering domestic violence and think your attacker may check your internet activity, use a friend’s computer or go to the public library or an internet café. It is possible to clear your history pages by going to Internet Options, but it is difficult to remove all records and we would strongly advise you to use another device if you are at all worried.
Many people flee their homes on the spur of the moment, when their life is in danger this is often their only option. However, if you are thinking of leaving, the information below, based on UK Home office advice, will make sorting your life out afterwards a lot easier.
Once you have left, do not arrange to meet your abuser alone however sincere their remorse appears.
Warning Signs of an Abusive Personality
Blame Shifting for Problems
Blame Shifting for Feelings
Cruelty to Animals
Cruelty to Children
Playful use of Force in Sex
Rigid Sex Rules / Stereotpes
Dr Jeckyll or Mr Hyde
Drink or Substance Abuse
History of Battering or Sexual Abuse
Breaking or Striking Objects
Any Force during an Argument
It is all about Power and Control
for control wheel video see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5OrAdC6ySiY
Penny Beale Memorial Fund
Domestic Violence Victim
Break the Silence
On 25th November 2001 Penny was brutally murdered. The victim of domestic violence, she was punched kicked and stamped on by her partner. She received 123 injuries, including 18 broken ribs, her liver, spleen and lungs were pierced. Penny was 31 years old.
Penny’s story was not unique, it followed a pattern that is repeated daily worldwide. This is her story, told by her mother, and the subsequent action her mother is taking to advise victims of domestic violence about the choices open to them.
“Domestic violence statistics are about real people – you, me and the woman next door. On November 25th 2001 – International Domestic Violence Awareness day – my daughter, Penny, was brutally murdered by her boyfriend here in Hastings, England. In the 18 months prior to her death the number of times Penny “fell down the stairs” and “bumped into the bathroom door” increased at an alarming rate. She was treated in hospital for various injuries including a cut to her head, requiring 8 stitches, which was caused by a blade.
On one occasion she told the ambulance crew how she had sustained her injuries and I hoped that at last she was going to take some action to prevent further pain. I had contacted various agencies for help and advice, including the police. Penny was too frightened to make a statement to the police herself.
Penny repeatedly asked her boyfriend to leave, but he always returned. I had requested that she be put on the Domestic Violence At Risk Register. I later learnt that the police had done the same when called to an incident at her home in February 2001. I also complained to the hospital after Penny was discharged in her boyfriend’s company when she was due to be sectioned after a suicide attempt.
I felt as though I was regarded as a neurotic parent making a fuss over very little. I know now that Domestic Violence is so widespread the police and other agencies wanted the victim to take the first step. This is no longer a legal requirement. I stated to various agencies that my greatest fear was to be called to the morgue to identify the body. Sadly this is exactly what I was forced to do.
I cannot bring my daughter back, but I have set up the Penny Beale Memorial Fund to raise awareness of the extent of Domestic Violence and offer advice and support to victims. If I can save one other life – then . . . “
Penny Beale senior
Penny Beale Memorial Fund
Tackling Domestic Violence
The Penny Beale Memorial Fund is a registered charity set up to combat domestic violence. The constitution states its objectives as “to preserve and protect the physical and mental health of persons who are or have been the victims of domestic violence and to advance the education of the public, including local authorities and voluntary bodies, by the provision of information, advice and training programmes into the causes, remedies and prevention of domestic violence.”
The DVD Break the Silence is available to view via the link.
Penny Beale senior lives in Hastings, East Sussex, and is willing to give talks and show the DVD to any interested organisation if expenses are covered (travel and accommodation).
If you are the victim of domestic abuse please go to our pages of useful contacts. You are not alone _ help is available.
Advice. If you are suffering domestic abuse and think that your attacker may check your internet activity, use a friend’s computer or go to the public library or internet café. It is possible to clear your history pages by going to Internet Options, but it is difficult to remove all records and we would strongly advise you to use another device if you are at all worried.
Clare’s Law If in doubt about a new relationship, Clare’s law provides the right to ask the police if there is a history of abuse, and the right to be given appropriate information, enabling better informed choices to be made. Proactively, Police can inform new partners of an abuser if considered relevant.
The Hideout for children and young people witnessing abuse www.thehideout.org.uk
Survivors’ Handbook www.womensaid.org.uk/survivors_handbook
Expect respect: Education Toolkit a teachers’ aid including lesson plans for all age groups
Respect for perpetrators www.respectphoneline.org.uk
Coercive Control by Evan Stark
Advocacy After Fatal Domestic Abuse https://aafda.org.uk
Help and advice for those left behind
Please visit http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk website.